1 post tagged “parenting”

I used to always think I didn't want children, and to a certain extent, I'm still skeptical.  I mean, I can't stand children.  But now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to wonder if the problem isn't the children themselves, but rather how they're parented.

I suppose several factors influenced this change in my stance: observing how children behave (and how their parents respond to their bad behavior) while working in the shoe store, psychology class, the whole topic of how the spread of technology and psychiatric medications are affecting the younger generation (i.e. the books Lunar Park and Generation Me and the album Fear of a Blank Planet), and then this interview gave me the last little push over the edge.  (Okay, the bit about the interview is more of a joke playing to the expectations of the people on a site I used to frequent...I do admire the man greatly, but part of the reason I tried to bring him up in almost every post over there was because I knew it drove them nuts...I had already more or less reached this "maybe I do want children afterall" point before seeing that video.)

You see, I didn't think I had the patience to put up with children.  I thought I'd make a lousy parent.  But then I observed lots of parents with their children when I worked in the shoe store.  A lot of children acted like maniacs in the store, and here's the thing...their parents would do nothing about it.  Maybe they would tell their children to stop, but they would never follow through with the promised punishments.  How is a child supposed to learn not to throw a tantrum at the slightest drop of a hat if you never actually discipline them for it?  No wonder I think most little kids are utter brats...their parents aren't teaching them how to behave properly in public.  Now I'm not advocating spanking or violent punishment, but it certainly does disturb me that most parents are now afraid to punish their children at all.

And then when these children get older and their parents get tired of their bad behavior, it's off to the psychiatrist to put the kids on medications for ADD, ADHD, and other disorders.  I have to wonder if ADD and ADHD are truly disorders, or if they're just invented to sell more prescription drugs.  I mean, the symptoms just sound like the children were never taught how to behave, not that they really do have a mental illness.  And if it is really a true psychiatric disorder, why do we feed the kids pills to cover up the problem instead of giving them therapy to actually treat the problem...after all, the pills only work as long as you're taking them.  Oh, that's right, pills are the quick fix...no one has time to try and actually solve the problem.

Let's not forget the impact that technology is having on the younger generation.  Generally speaking, the Internet is a good thing, but it does get abused frequently.  It may help some build better social connections in "real life", but for many others it's just a crutch for avoiding social contact (I must admit that I do suffer from this problem, but I think the children of today probably suffer from it even worse than I do).  The reason I think it's going to be worse for the children of today is because a lot of their parents are keeping them locked inside because they're too scared for their children's safety.  This isn't good.  Let your children outside to play and get scraped knees.  Let them run around the neighborhood.  I don't think the world is really any more dangerous than it was when I was a little girl...I just think the media is doing a better job of scaring the shit out of us than they used to...everyone is more aware of what's happening in our world now.

And then I'm hearing about parents with older children who are so paranoid about their children walking a short distance to school that they're making them call them on a cellphone to tell them that they got to school safely.  That's just paranoid in my opinion.  It's unnecessary.  I mean, none of us had to do that when we were children and we made it to adulthood just fine.  Maybe it's because I'm just biased against cellphones in general, but I don't think that's it.  Your children are never going to grow up if you keep spying on them like a hawk...they have to be given room to breathe.  Trust me, the world won't come to an end if your kid doesn't call you every time they arrive somewhere.

I've come up with a list of things I've promised myself I'm going to do if I have children:

1. If I tell them I'm going to punish them for doing a certain behavior, I will follow through on the threat of punishment.
2. As long as we're living in a somewhat safe neighborhood, I will let them out to play.  I might even make them go out to play.
3. No video or computer games.  Hey, they existed when I was a kid and I got by just fine only playing them at other people's houses.
4. No cellphones until they go off to college...or maybe I might let them carry a cellphone if they're going off on a date in high school, but they will only carry when they're "going out"...not for school.  One way or the other, they will not have text messaging as long as I have to pay for their cellphone...I think text messages are completely useless and I'm not having them mangle the English language with textspeak.
5. I will be completely frank with them on matters of sexuality...as soon as they ask me, I will tell them the truth about "where babies come from".  I think it's disgusting that people won't tell small children the truth...I mean, it's not like you have to tell them about the finer nuances of sexual activity...you can save talk about contraception and technique until they're old enough to actually need it.  Are eggs and sperm and genitalia really that offensive?  Grow up, people!
6. Computer time will be limited.  For that matter, so will television time.  They're going to get acquainted with these wonderful stacks of paper bound between pieces of cardboard...they're called books.
7. No psychiatric medications.  If they do indeed have a psychiatric disorder that needs treatment, they will get therapy.
   
8. Absolutely no Heelys.  I will buy them skates, a bike, a scooter, a skateboard, or pretty much anything else with wheels but those.  You see, the difference is that the other items I listed are things that you clearly don't use indoors, and you usually wear protection with them.  Heelys, on the other hand, aren't particularly good for outdoor use (on account of only having one wheel), so children basically use them as license to act like complete jerks indoors and skate up and down the aisles in the stores...they don't have a legitimate recreational purpose.

I'm certain there's more important things to add to the list, but that's all I can think of right now.  Basically, I want to prove to myself that it's possible to raise a healthy, well-adjusted kid who's not glued to the computer worse than I am or strung out on pills.  I'm thinking that certainly I can be a better parent than all these other people I've observed recently.*

Of course, I suppose this is all a moot point...I'm not seeing anyone right now, and if I continue at the rate I'm going, I'll probably never wind up married...no one is ever interested in me.  Unless the impossible happens and I make a really good impression on Mr. Wilson at the Houston or Dallas shows in October, I'll probably never wind up with children. ;)

*I would like to say that I am not criticizing the parents I've seen on Vox.  At least the parents that get featured on [this is good] appear to all be first-rate parents from their posts (I haven't read any parents' posts that weren't featured there), so I'm prepared to say that this site has a much higher average of decent parents than the normal population.  My critique is based more on parents I've observed in person...no offense meant towards any parents on here.